Enough! There are enough different brands of vodka. We don’t need any more variety thank you very much. All vodka entrepreneurs please turn around and walk right back to the drawing board because it is time to start over. No new vodka brand is going to make any money.
It seems like every time I walk into the bar there’s a new vodka on the market selling itself as the most “upscale, premium blah blah, in the blah.” Listening to the liquor reps trying to sell it to you is painful.
- “This one’s distilled eight times.” so?
- “It’s unique because it’s French and made from grapes.” That doesn’t sound like vodka but what do I know.
- “This is Irish vodka. It’ll sell because it’s made from potatoes.” Irish+Potato= $$$? I don’t think so but one day we might look back and laugh.
- “This one is special because it’s a soy vodka. Very healthy.” You need to leave. Now.
I’ve seen so many marketing tricks and angles over the years and none of them work. Funky bottles, elegant names, catchy drink recipes… all resulting in a bunch of unsold vodka with uppity presentation sitting in the basement because nobody wants it. The reason is simple. Vodka is vodka. The garbage in the well is pretty much the same stuff as the garbage in the Grey Goose bottle. (In many clubs it’s the exact same stuff if you catch my drift)
I did a blind vodka tasting with a group of bartenders not too long ago and the results were surprising. (this was before the article in the Times) Fleischmans vodka was my favorite. If you’ve never heard of it before that’s because Fleischman’s is one of the cheapest vodkas around. Orange juice costs more. Bars carry Fleischmans to use in the well and in most bars that also means that it’s the spirit we pour more than any other. I wasn’t alone in putting Fleischmans ahead of Grey Goose, Absolute, Stoli, and Sky. Our well-$5-a-bottle vodka got more votes than any of the others which sell for much more than $5 an ounce.
My point here is that vodka is cheap to produce. You might as well pay less for it. All this “Premium Distillation” stuff is nothing more than marketing.
Vodka is the #1 selling spirit in the US by far and since it’s cheap to make I can see how people would view this as a gold mine. It may very well have been that way not too long ago but these days the market is way too saturated for a newcomer to come in and take a chunk of the profit.
If you’re looking to make some booze and a buck at the same time I have a suggestion. Thanks to the popularity of Apple Martinis (yuck!) bar owners have seen the wisdom in Apple Schnapps. I think Peach Schnapps could easily become a big money maker. Seriously.
People love peach schnapps. One of the easiest ways to make a sweet delicious drink is to add peach schnapps. Bartenders use it all the time when a customers ask for “something my girlfriend would like.” Ask your local barkeep yourself if you don’t believe me. Now, if you made a higher proof peach schnapps and put a little craftsmanship into it I’m positive people would be shooting it left and right. They already do in Austria, Switzerland, Germany- basically all places Swiss Alp. The mixological options are endless as well. You’d be getting the 5th Avenue Crowd and the College Crowd at the same time which means $$$$$$.
Trust me Mr. Vodka salesman, this bar doesn’t have room for any more vodka brands. Vodka already hogs most of the shelves behind me. I don’t care if it’s Kosher… I don’t care if it’s from Connecticut but looks like it’s from Russia (that would be Smirnoff)… I don’t care if it’s got guarana in it and will make me bounce of the walls all night long. People won’t buy it. Plain and simple. Bars are a business. Come back with something that will generate some new business.
Can I copyright a high-end Peach Schnapps? I’m going to buy www.itsjustpeachy.com right now.
