The Reluctant Bartender

Zen –noun

Every once in a while the bar will be a mob scene early in the evening and people party like sparklers on the 4th of July, that is to say that they burn hot and bright for a very short while before their breakneck alcohol consumption catches up to them.  Then there’s a mass drunken exodus out the door leaving a nearly empty bar in their wake. Bartenders love it when this happens because the bar has made it’s money, we’ve made our money, and the last few hours of the night are stress free allowing us to chill and hang out with our regulars. Or play foosball. Or Scrabble. as was the case Friday night- there was indeed a Scrabble board (and a Scrabble dictionary) on top of what would normally be a beer soaked bar at two thirty in the A M. Yes, it’s a little pathetic I know but don’t go pointing your fingers at me. I wasn’t the one playing. It was the other guy behind the bar (lil honesty here- only reason I didn’t play was because there were already four people) and he stormed back to victory by dropping a triple word score in the final minutes with three little letters… Z… E… N…

Arguing. Lots of it. Apparently Zen is not acceptable as a word in Scrabble. It’s not in the Scrabble dictionary. (it’s not in the online one either) “Zen is a proper noun” said the Scrabble nerd. Maybe it used to be but it’s not just a proper noun any more and why isn’t scrabble up on this? and why are there people sitting at a bar at three in the morning arguing about it?

I’ve always felt that English is a continuously growing language. It breathes, it lives, it adapts to the times– it is not stagnant. That would be no fun. “What do you mean?” you say? ——– Examplelalingo!

Day bartender: I hate cutting fruit all the time
Night bartender: I Don’t. I find it very zen. It’s nice to relax and not have to concentrate on what you’re doing.  (notice——NOT a proper                                         noun there)

Exampladocious Two

Customer: Whatcha doin Sunday night?
Bartender: “Inappropriating. That’s what Sunday’s are for right?” (If congress can appropriate, I can in-appropriate)

BARTENDING OBSERVATION: No matter how it feels to you, cocaine will not induce a zen-ic state. I can tell by the way you chew your         face off. or your dentures. (That’s right Ricky) While we’re on the topic… when you’re doing blow you don’t sound smart either.  Actually         you’re pretty annoying and you sound stupid and insecure.  Other people are trying to talk too.  Let them.

BARTENDER: This crowd is lame
DJ: Word